THE CRAPBOOK

Okay I am writing this post because I have heard and I am tried of hearing comments on how my accent is not mallu or sometimes its mallu.

First thing we call ourselves malayalees and not mallu.  We are the most tolerant people (in terms of religion, education, food, alcohol, powercuts, communists, rain, floods etc).  And its takes guts to speak like this (from 00.20) (Sreemathi Teacher, Kerala’s Health Minister)

Coming back to the topic, once at a job interview I met another prospective candidate that the company called, while we were waiting, he started asking about my whereabouts and then he quickly passed this comment ‘Hey you DON’T have a Mallu accent’.

2 sec silence.

“Well” I said. “I am surprised!, my parents are from Kerala, I was born and brought up there, I am suppposed to have one. I mean I am not born to a family from the west anyway”

1500 sec of silence. And we parted ways.

Now lets be clear about the accent thing. If we are born here (any state I mean) and brought up here (again any state) and your mother tongue is not english, you are bound to have this mother-tongue influence (as called by the call center folks) for certain words (or for every thing you speak) in english. But then you can have a nuetral accent (as the call center folks call it) which is something that you speak and then others wont be able to figure out which accent it is.

If you speak to a French guy they would have a French accent in the english they speak. The Chinese have their version of english. So does Indians. Now in India we have all these different languages that everyone tend to have different accents.

Now if you are from the North or (any other state minus Kerala) and think that you don’t have an accent you are wrong ! You have one. And if you are not convinced then please record your conversations (casual ones or practised ones) and then play it back.

If you are still convinced that you have Jack Nicholson’s accent (for example) Listen to this scene from “Few good men”  and then try recording your version. Please compare. If you are close, please send me a copy.

Now the question is does Malayalee’s have an accent?. Of course we do. So do you, folks.

Listen to this  and please don’t end up giving lectures on “sheesh you shaeve ansh Mallu ashent.Are you from Keral ? Anyways I am going to De Market to buy Phish”

In short when you say that Malayalee’s (or others) have an accent you actually sound like this .

Isn’t it strange that the same middle class who ‘invented’ corruption to get their work done faster (from driving license to property tax) is now the voice of anti corruption in India. Its okay to take/give a Gandhi (worth 100) but a lakh Gandhis ? strict no no ! Those who have never paid a bribe and always stand in a queue in India please raise your hands !

Hypocrites !

I am totally for a bill which would help catch those scamsters. But would it solve the problem? Are you ethically right to assume the role of a anti corruption agent when you have a paid a bribe for things like gas connection. Driving licese. Or even paid the cop because he caught you drunk and driving?

Lets solve the issue at the root level. Yes most of the traffic policemen are corrupt. You give them a bribe they accept it, you give it because you just jumped a signal and would be more than happy to pay the policeman 50 bucks than the government 100Rs.

Are you willing to change ? Would all our people change? I think privatization and computerization would help solve these at the grass root level.

Lets say they are like an independent body with no tax payers money funding them. How do they sustain? With the fines they collect. How are they going to do that? Lets install cameras everywhere. Let the cops be treated like employees of big organizations. Let them be rated, promoted. Let their hikes be dependent on the work they do.  You would get your ticket via email with the picture of your offence. Pay it using your credit card or at the ATM or send a cheque. If you want to challenge it,  let the matter go to the courts.

Now for those who blame Raja as the most corrupt individual should be first checking if they are ethically correct if they do that. Let say we have  5M people in Bangalore alone. Out of which 1M have a 25Lakh house. While buying the property most of us don’t  pay property tax/ other taxes correctly we cheat on the value of the property. Let say each property owes the governemnt 2L. But have paid only half of it, by bribing the Tax department and showing the property value less.

We owe the government 1,000,000 X  100,000 = 100,000,000,000 Rupees !

This is only a representative figure.  And then you say Raja is the most corrupt individual .The middle class in India collectively is the most corrupt ones in our country and the cost the goverment Zillions !