THE CRAPBOOK

Few things on my mind recently.

1. LPG

Now that the Karnataka government is asking its citizens to produce their Ration Card to keep their gas connections. The middle class citizens are up in arms blaming the government for their suffering. ie. they have to stand in long queues. And says that this is all unnecessary.  Wait a min, if you have a legal gas connection, why should  you care? Oh wait, you got your connection by paying 7000 Rs to the clerk without declaring any proofs right? Thats the concern !

Now the question comes, is it really necessary to give subsidized cooking gas to our middle class citizens? If you tell me that its for the poor. I can assure you that more than half of it goes to the middle and upper middle class families.

Lets look at this math. Consider a middle class family of 4. They may need one cylinder a month. They pay around 400 Rs for the cylinder. Savings due to subsidized pricing = 400 (as actual price for a cylinder of cooking gas is around 800) Now every middle class family own a two -wheeler don’t they? They might spent atleast 1000Rs on Petrol every month. But then petrol is taxed twice over, so that government can recover the loss they make on giving subsidized cooking gas. So the family is paying Rs 500 more for the petrol . Loss = 500 Rs.

In short you aren’t gaining anything from the subsidized cooking gas. So shut up.

I  don’t think we have to spend the tax payers money on giving subsidized cooking gas to the middle class.

Note : My kitchen is not government sponsored and the above math can be questioned, revisited and considered wrong.

2. Oh ! The businessmen are corrupt. They don’t pay tax.

So I was having lunch with my colleague the other day and was talking about taxation in general when he said “The business people cheat. They show fake sales, bills and get away. They don’t pay tax legally”

I knew where this was going. He was cribbing about the tax he has to pay and that goverment is eating away his money. (which I have also cribbed about in one  of my older posts).

“How much rent do you pay?” I asked him.

“9000″ he said.

“How much HRA do you get” I asked

“13000″ he said.

“How much did you declare for tax benefits?” I asked

“13000, otherwise I would lose tax for 4000Rs a month” He said.

“Exactly. ” I said.

He got my point.

We have corruption deep in our  blood. We blame Kalmadi for eating crores. Or discuss about how Priyanka Chopra did not pay tax for 2Cr.

Did we?

A thief is a thief even if steal just Rs100 or Rs 1cr.

3. Education

Schools have entrance examinations these days. Not just to the higher classes but even for  Kindergarten. I was reading through Canada’s educational system the other day. They too have entrance exams. But the only difference is that they don’t use the entrance examination to reject students. But to evaluate them to understand the level of attention they should be giving to each individual student.

Back in school, when we failed for Math or Science, the teachers used to punish us. Cane us or ask us to write the questions and answers 100 times. If I failed in an exam I considered that as my failure. But now I guess its a collective failure. The teacher has also failed!

4.  Points to Ponder.

Okay this is for some of them who has to know few things before they talk about it.

a. No, Christianity did not come to India with the British. They were here much before that. Infact the British was surprised to find a huge Christian population in Southern India.  Its believed (with historical evidence) that St Thomas traveled to India (through the Spice Trade Route)  and converted some people in Kerala to Christianity 2000 Years back.

b. No, India does not have a National Language.

c. No, middle class is not the majority in India.  We try to form the opinion of this country. But we are not the majority.

d. etc

The (d) point is for my first Team Lead (from my first company). You don’t need to add a point to put an et cetera when you list out things in an email, Sir.

Okay its been a long holiday on the blog world. I guess I need to come back. But is there anything to write about these days? Raja took half the news world with 2G scam. Some leading journalist (not very leading now) took the other half. ha isn’t it funny that initially media wrote as ‘SOME LEADING JOURNALISTS’ and then slowly moved to Some journalists of leading media house ……

And these halfs were encircled by wikileaks. I guess this gave the other two some relief.

Lets move on (like all Indians) to what’s troubling the common man like you and me.  The other day I needed a Railway station transfer . Now Meru cabs (which I heavily relied on for the past 3 years) started charging a convenience charge of Rs 50(I still use Rs because I don’t have the Rupee sign on my office 2010 yet) for their convenience.  I guess they charge it so that discount frenzy Indians would stop calling their call centre (we don’t like paying an extra Rupee anywhere but would pay to play a 30 Rs game at a mall for 10 times (which would last hardly 3 mins each).

Anyways back to the point, so they started charging because they don’t want everyone to call them. But wait a min doesn’t their business work that way? People should call them right? Yes, so they request everyone to use their website book cabs. Like any other Indian ,to save that Rs 50 (which I would easily give to a Traffic constable if he stop me and say I have a Kerala registration vehicle) I booked the cab online on Monday. I needed the cab for Tuesday. The confirmation read “You cab has been confirmed for Tuesday 1900). Cool I thought. The excitement did not last long. On Monday I got a call at 1830 from a guy who claimed to be a Meru cab driver.

“But I booked the cab for Tuesday” I said

“You booked for 1900…. “ He said

I called the CC and told them of the mix up.

“Sir we only accept bookings made 24 hrs before” they said.

“Your website accepted the booking” I said.

Luckily they did not charge me for the cancellation. I wrote a letter to the email id mentioned in their website asking them not to accept online booking made more than 24 hours in advance. They acknowledged.

I had 24 hours and I called Easy Cabs (as I did not want to take the risk with Meru again). They confirmed the booking.

Tue 18:30 –The sms they promised did not arrive.

18:40

I called the CC. He said the cab is on its way.

“Give me the driver number”  I asked.

“I don’t have that information” He said.

“Give me the vehicle number” I asked.

“I don’t have that information” he said.

“How else would you know that  the car is on its way?”  I asked.

“You will get an sms in 2 mins Sir” he said. “Hold on I will talk to the dispatcher now”

Too Too Too Song which also had some self praises in it.

18:48

I am still on hold.

“Sir, the cab is on its way” he said

“Hey you told me the sms would reach in 2 mins. You put me on hold for 5 mins. Can you just let me know if the cab is available or not. I have my entire family including a kid and we need to get to the railway station by 2100.” I said.

“Sir the cab is on its way” he said.

Click.

19:15

I called a local cab guy who came in 15 mins. On my way I got the sms that Easy cab executive was talking about it read

“Sorry for the inconvenience there were no cabs plying in your area and your booking has been cancelled”

The question is, if the confirmation they give when you book is not a confirmation but only a HOPE they would probably have to rename it to HOPE SMS.

It should read “We hope that we have made the booking. We certainly hope to send you cab hopefully by the chosen time. We hope that you call us again”

In their language I confirm that I will use Easy cabs again.

I enjoyed watching the spectacular show put together by the CWG organizers for its opening ceremony.  The unity in diversity theme was depicted with colors and chaos.

I tweeted a lot during the show, mostly because I was excited on how the show was unfolding with surprises (Not really coz DD aired it with a delay and the rest of the world was watching it ahead of us with tweets).

I tuned into DD at 6PM IST, only to see two folks chatting over tea. Back at 7PM and the show started.

The camera showed the stadium from different angles.

“This is a bird’s eye view of the Nehru Stadium New Delhi ” Proclaimed the commentator. What the viewers saw was a camera placed on a lower ground facing up to the sky. May be the bird was resting at a seat.

“The crowd is all here cheering ” said the commentator and the camera showed couple of empty seats !

It all started with the aerostat being lifted from the ground and the crowd cheering. DD commentator was repeating the word ‘balloon’ couple of times. Guess the only helium floating thing he would seen before would be the helium baloon at a festival.

And then the drummers arrived. The display of various drums including the Nadan Chenda from my state was awesome. The commentator found it difficult to name each one of them. So he waited…….. and then the little ustad arrived from nowhere.

“TABALA” said the commentator. Hell we know it already. thought the viewers.

Many tweeted asking the commentator to shut up. Well see, he is not reading your tweets, he was busy checking all the Common Wealth countries on Wikipedia.

Then it was time for the teams to arrive. Australia came first. The crowd cheered may be because their cricket team was not there. Then one after the other, the teams were welcomed with a lady in saree in front leading them.

Commentator “Different sarees”.Women were busy checking if they repeated any saree. Men were busy checking out the ladies.

We could hear some paper shuffling (like when you call in for a telephonic interview), I guess the commentator was looking at his papers to describe each country.

“This country is one of the most…..underdeveloped country in the commonwealth” he said. Well that is sure a good thing to say when you welcome someone.

St Kitts and Nevis arrived. He didn’t bother to describe them. May be he thought that the local church came in with their contingent. Indians across the globe wondered who they are. Singapore came in and the crowd cheered. I guess most of them are waiting for their visas, or just came back from their honeymoon (well its cheaper to fly to singapore than for a trip to Delhi from South India).

There were some countries (whom noone has heard about before) came in with very few folks. There was the saree gal and then the flag bearer.

Pakistan came in and the crowd cheered, although the Mallus across the globe did not like the fact that a girl in Kerala Saree was leading them.

Second Punjab AKA Canada came in. The crowd cheered. The crowd was just waiting for .. yes India.

And finally the host came in. The crowd (I mean the Indian contingent) walked in. The crowd (stadium) cheered with a standing ovation. Wait a min, thought the viewers do we really have that many atheletes?? Oh no. its the ‘see off’ effect. Let me explain, when we are travelling all our relatives come with us to the railway station. There would be 10 people to see off just one person. (The new Logan ad).

So the Indian team came in with their Chaccha Chacchi, niece, cousin, neighbor’s puppy and Juhi Chawla. The crowd cheered.

Ad.

DD started off with their ad show. Well this was their only moment in history (after cable TV came to India) that they have had  many viewers. And they milked the cow. And they delayed the live program. Kalmadi delayed the construction, Doordarshan did its part.

The baton was handed over to Prince Charles. Charles looked at the baton and thought ‘wait a min there is no fire ! ‘

Kalmadi came up on stage and started speaking in English (just to let you know) and the crowd booed. He smiled. I guess he thought the crowd is cheering, with all the facial hair his ability to hear was tampered.

Kalmadi : “Former President Abdul Kalam Azad” and read out his lines without the fullstops.

MMS was up next speaking in English. He paused. Paused. Pause.

Finally Prince Charles came and spoke in his language. Read out the queens message and quickly ran off to his seat. Ms Patil was next….

Patil : “Let………….”

Crowd : Clap Clap

Patil : “Let…………. “

Crowd : Clap Clap

Patil : “LET ME FINISH……………..Let the games begin”

and so it began.

“The Indian Railways” Said the commentator.

Silence.

“The indian Railways”

Silence.

“is expected to arrive shortly” said the commentator. And then there was chaos.  Indians understood the chaos, not sure about the rest of the world. It was great fun to watch the train.

AR Rahman was wearing a white pair of sneakers just in case he has to make the run if people did not like his tweaked new CWG song. The song was over and many asked “Is that the CWG theme song”

Yes its the CWG song.

“Jai Ho” bought an end to the show. And everyone missed Shera.

Well he died due to poisoning at Banneghatta National park last week.

Note : Some of the comments from the commentator were edited for this post.

Saying thank you would be the most difficult thing that our country face. People never thank the cab driver who drop them off at their doorstep late night from work. Nor do they thank the auto driver when they are dropped off at their homes.

 This is not a rant post. But I just trying to note down some points on how our citizens are facing this acute problem of ‘not’ saying ‘Thank you’. Some think that you don’t need to thank the waiter when he serves you as ‘its his job’. Nor do they think that an auto driver is worth the ‘thank you’ that he has to offer.

Le’s take the white collar job scenario. Everyone at work would want to be thanked either by their client or their manager each time they do their work. I have even heard colleagues telling me that all they expect are simple words of appreciation. They even go to the extent and proclaim that they don’t care about bonuses or hikes, all they care is about the ‘kudos’ they get from their manager. Yes everyone needs it to keep going. So why don’t we start doing it?

Start a day by thanking your wife/maid/mother when she brings you the early morning coffee. Try saying it to the autowalla who drops you at the bus stop. Or the cab driver who drops you at work. If you driving to work, try thanking the other drivers who stop at a junction for you to take a turn. How do you do that? Salute him/her !! Or a small hand gesture would do. Try thanking the bus conductor when he gives you the ticket. Thank the people who stop the lift for you. Thank the security after he checks your bag/car. Thank the person who holds the door open for you. Thank everyone.

Would people think you are crazy? NO ! They would love it.

 Few months back, when I visited my hometown, I went out to a small sweet place to buy some sweets. I requested for a discount as I was buying a lot of sweets. The shop owner declined my request and proceeded to bill for the entire amount. When I was collecting the change back, I told him ‘Thank you’. The shop owner was confused on what to do next. He did not smile, nor did he nod. He just looked at me. I said ‘Thank you’ again and stepped out.

 I am sure that many like the shop keeper at my home place are not used to these two words. No one would have ever thanked him after paying him for the sweets. Try thanking the autowalla. I have done that all the time and many of them were very happy to hear that. Especially after the fight over meter charge and his customized charge. He would never expect a person to tell him that.

 Try it.

Thank you for visiting my blog.

 PS : Never expect a ‘You welcome’ or ‘Not a problem’ or ‘My pleasure’ or ‘Anytime’ anytime !

I was traveling by train the other day on the Lalbagh Express (Chennai – Bangalore) . I managed to get a confirmed ticket on Second Sitting, which is the second class sitting compartment – reserved. The train starts at 1530 hrs and it was not crowded at all. But when the clock struck 1525, there was a huge gust of people rushing in and occupying whatever seat they could find. This did not amaze me; well I have been traveling in trains for a long time now. But there is one another thing that is common in all train journeys.

The seat adjustment.

Consider a family of 4 or a large group of 6, since most of the time we book tickets at the last moment the seats would be allotted scattered. The first one hour after boarding the train would be spent by the leader (whom we can assume as the one who has the tickets and keeps on counting the seats and berths, shouting out his seat numbers, indirectly asking the people sitting or leaning on his reserved seat to MOVE) to move people (read other passengers) around the compartment so that he can get his group sit together.

A well dressed man approached me and said

“   “

“I am sorry??” I said and removed my ipod headphones.

 “Are you traveling alone?” he asked again. Smiling at the silliness.

“Yes” I said.

“Do you mind moving to another seat.”

“I don’t as long as there is one, Sure ! “ I said and picked my bag.

He directed me to another seat pretty much closer to mine.

He approached the old man sitting (or was sitting) next to me and asked the same question. And in a while the old man was with me in our newly allocated seats.

“Koncham adjust pannunke” (Please adjust a little) he said again and kept few of his luggage under our seats.

The adjustment.

I am a victim of seat adjustment every time I travel alone. They target the single travelers who fall easy prey to their questions. How do they identify that you are traveling alone?

If you are armed with a book and have head phones glued to your ears. You are traveling obviously alone.

I am okay with adjustments. It’s okay to move. It’s okay if the family wants to sit together.

But I get moved every time! Every single time!

No one ever imagined how you turn a plane into a flying missile. No one knew about suicide attacks. No one knew that setting up multiple bombs in a city can bring it to its knees. No one knew that you can just walk in through coastline and start shooting. No one knew that star hotels could be the next target. (well, not everyone!).

After the deadly attacks on the WTC on 9/11, the Unites States beefed up its airport security, so did the rest of the world. India also did it share by increasing security checks at airports. We learned a lesson. We are now increasing the security at the Hotels.

After the recent Mumbai attacks, we are thinking of how to stop terrorists from entering through our coastline.

One thing that our Intelligence Agencies should be doing is to think like a Terrorist. If you notice the pattern of attacks, it’s all new. They used the planes as bombs, now a few young men sprayed bullets on to the street. They come up with new tactics all the time. I guess our authorities are only trying to stop another terrorist attack in the pattern they know of. The terrorists would have already started working on the new pattern.

Now how do we find their pattern? Think like a terrorist. I know it’s hard for ordinary citizens like us, but for those in the line of duty, in Intelligence it shouldn’t be that hard.

In serial killer movies/books/real life stories (The one like CITIZEN X, an HBO original movie), the investigators morale get deteriorated after months of chasing the killer. With every new death, the investigator would be taking it as, his own personal loss and failure. That’s when they start thinking like a serial killer. Who would I target next? Who would be my next victim? How will I trap him/her? How am I going to kill him?

Terrorists are serial killers.

I guess it could be a tough process to think like a killer. This is nothing new, but the results would be good if used intelligently.

It’s sad, it was massive. But then we will fight back !

Its even more heart breaking when the politicians play the blame game to the ‘resign’ game. Now what?

I am surprised that they sit in their cozy air conditioned rooms till there is a real crisis and then leave office when the people really need them. Yes, they are accountable, but the buck shouldn’t stop there.

I am sure these guys will be getting a new seat in the next elections. May we would vote them again. My point is when there is an issue; don’t let them escape by just resigning. This would be running away from responsibility, that shouldn’t be the case.

The home minister of India said “The burden is off my shoulder”. Sir if you were a real leader or to that matter of fact an INDIAN you could have commanded your post (as the brave soldiers of this country do at the time of war/crisis) and lead us to victory and then face the nation on what went wrong.

Imagine if we are under attack at the border and the army commander decides to quit the minute the firing start???? Who is going to lead his men?

The congress or the BJP should ban these guys from contesting any more polls. That would teach them a lesson and not to resign at the time of crisis and contest polls again next year and be the CM/Home minister again !!!!!!!

How to topple a government?

By An Idiotician.

Important notice : You can use this against your own government, your people and more importantly against your country.

1. The best part of toppling a government is the crores of money we lose when we have to go for elections ahead of schedule. What the hell, its tax payers fund anyway.

2. Another good part is the coverage we get on TV. Wow I can say this, that and everyone will come around with microphones asking about something, errr Nuclear Deal what was that? I always reply that ‘Its against the interest of the country’ hehe, well its against my interest, I mean who cares about the country?

3. Now for the toppling part, lets get all our MPs from Jail first. Wait a minute, one of us is in Jail for murder. No problems, we can get him on bail for the confidence vote, or is there a Vote from Jail option? I will start that provision once our government comes to power.

4. What he is sick? Bring him down in an Ambulance… What??? he is abroad on a surgery? Get an AIR AMBULANCE. This is national emergency, we need to get the government down.

5. What? Economy will suffer? Dear, I have plenty at my wife’s estate house. She has hidden it deep under. So much for economy.

6. Inflation? What is that?

7. Get every friend, foe anything which walks on 2 legs to support us.

This idiotician wanted total anonymity when he gave the above 7 points. I think he deserves it as he was very honest in what he said above.

Common people (excluding policemen, politicians, their supporters) are the ones who are tortured, chased around and deprived of basic rights. One of the basic rights would be to take your tax paid-insurance updated car on the NH and drive to your destination.

But the people in brackets make sure that this wont be an easy ride.

I have seen many times that National Highways being blocked for meetings, processions by political party. The police does their part in favor of everyone else other than the common man, may be because they are helpless too. The traffic is diverted to some smaller roads which get blocked in a few minutes.  Now my question is why the hell am I diverted because some Idio-ticians has to meet on the road. I think those idio-ticians should be held for jaywalking. I would be fuming in the car(not mine !) even though the ac is running, helpless just because some idio-tician want to save the country(read save his A$$pirations and fill up his pocket).

Another price hike?  The Government is meeting on Friday to discuss about a new price hike in fuel. The hike would be in the range of Rs 2 to 3.

Fuel prices in karnataka are the highest in the country because of higher tax component and 5 percent entry fee.

Now that the fuel price hikes are common, I feel many are not bothered. In Kerala however we celebrate every fuel price hike with a holiday(read hartal), mostly declared by the opposition party. Now since the opposition in Kerala are ruling the country, BJP helps Kerala in relaxing with a hartal. In 3 years there were numerous hikes in fuel. We observed one day of holiday for each, but then the prices are still increasing. All we got was few holidays.

2005 by BJP, 2006 by ruling LDF, 2008 by BJP.

In 2004 Kerala scored 124 on its haral-bandh score board. Here is an interesting take on the hartal menace.

Back to fuel price hike.

I remember an old joke which goes like this. (Warning : Bad Joke)

———————————————————————————-

Guy #1 : Petrol prices hiked from 50/litre to 52/litre.

Guy #2 : Nah, its not going to bother me anyway.

Guy #1 : Why????

Guy #2 : I always fill up petrol for Rs 100..

<end of joke>

———————————————————————————

This would mean my monthly expenses are gonna increase, it’s already on the rise with the all the prices for essential commodities going up! I wonder when my house owner is going to knock on my door to demand a hike in rent.

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