THE CRAPBOOK

Everyone is asking me on whether I got my parking space. It’s a BIG NO !.

Getting a car is not a luxury, but a parking space is !

My landlady is back with her new excuse on why she is not giving me the garage. She is planning to start a Tution centre at the underground garage. She might kill some children there (due to suffocation of course).

Somewhere down the line in our conversation she did mention about her ‘almost’ renting out the space for 5000Rs/month.

I mean even if I have an S class benz I will have to shell out 60,000Rs per year. I can get the car repainted every year and still save some money.

My landlady,

Is greedy.

She is an old lady

But still greedy.

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I recently had a chat with a friend of mine who is now on a business trip in Greece. He says language is a big problem to him. According to him ‘everything sounds Greek’ .

—-

Fame lido mall in Bangalore employs one of the best use of parking space, they use lifts at each parking spot and lift the car up to accommodate one beneath. I parked my car there this weekend, when I came back and took my car out an Indica blocked my way. The driver was trying to park his vehicle at the spot next to mine. For the first time in the history of Bangalore he allowed to me to go first and moved his car a bit. And then the lift at his parking space broke and the huge metal frame came crashing down. Although the cars parked next to it escaped unscarred it was the little good deed that saved the Indica.

Now what’s the moral of the story?

Don’t park cars at Fame Lido. 

You guys might be knowing how I like my landlady. She is sweet, loving, caring, and concerned. She love her tenants just like the way she love her kids..

I won’t say the above words even if I am drunk !!!!

Now to the point, we have been her tenants for almost an year now. The place rented out to us still looks fresh, neat and tidy. The rent was given without delay on 1^st of every month. The electrical items are all intact. The place is still the same way she rented out to us.

When moving in we had this conversation.

Me : Where will I put my bike?

LL (landlady) : You can put it outside, see how all the cars, bikes are kept outside.

Me : What about the basement parking? Seems like its empty.

LL : Yes, but I have given it on rent.

Me : Oh, then I will park outside.

Even after 6 months, I have never seen any human/alien/animal/unnatural being parking his/her/its car/bike/scooter/UFO in the basement.

Now that I bought a car (this is another way of letting you guys know that I bought a car, I am clever ) I don’t have any place to park it.

So I took my tactics on to please her with a packet of sweets.

Me : Aunty I bought a car. Here are some sweets.

LL : Oh congratulations…

Me : I am wondering where I will park

LL : You can park outside, see how a new Ford Fiesta is parked outside. Eveyrone is parking outside nothing will happen.

Me : Can I use the basement parking. I have not seen anyone using it.

LL : Oh no son, I just remembered we are also buying a car soon.

Me : Which one?

LL : Alto

Me : Which color?

LL : Black

Me : When?

LL : Next week.

After a week.

Afterseeing my brand new car out in the sun, in the rain, I was hurt and decided to ask again.

Me : Aunty can I put the car in till you guys get a car.

LL : Oh no son, we have lot of stuff in there, there wont be much space in to fit a car.

Me : No, that’s not an issue, I can move the items.

LL : I just remembered we will be taking that item in and out, you don’t want to scratch the car do you?

Me : I can put the car outside when you take stuff.

LL : hmmm.

Me : I can pay an extra rent if you want, if its reasonable.

LL’s face brightened, her eyes shined.

LL : let me talk to uncle.

Me : sure and please let me know.

I am sure she will come up with some exorbitant rent for the parking space. I was thinking of my previous landlord in Trivandrum. When my brother bought his car, the landlord offered

“I don’t have a car yet, you can put the car in the garage”

Now that is reasonable. 

Update : I bought a Chevy spark LS, white. Now I can add my share to pollution.

Hoorraaaaaayyyy.. I am back from my vacation and I am surprised to see that the ‘pest controlling’ worked !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So the ‘atta thing’ worked after all !.

You might have to read this before moving on…..

………. Yes its from the kitchen. I ran to the kitchen to find my wife screaming and there was a cockroach in sight. 

“What the ???” I thought and ran for my cellphone.

“Are you going to kill it with your cell phone” My wife asked.

“No I am going to kill that son of a ()*@(#*@() Mr Pest Control Agent” I replied.

“Help me here first” My wife shouted. 

I killed the cockroach, wrapped it in a paper for evidence and called the ‘Agent’. 

Agent “ Hello. This is Pest Control’

Me “Pest Control My foot !!!. I am calling from……………… I still got pests in here. You guaranteed that there will be no more pests”

Agent “You must be seeing a lot of cockroaches now. Am I right?”

Me “YES!” 

Agent “It must be running around. Am I right?”

Me “YES YES YES”

Agent  “There might be more number than what you initially had”

Me(losing it)  “YES!!!! WHATS YOUR POINT” 

Agent  “Sir. That’s completely normal.”

Me “What??????” 

Agent  “Let me explain to you Sir. This is an herbal treatment and in the initial 14 days there will be more trouble because it will be coming out of hiding. This will decrease gradually and there wont be no more problem” 

Me (cooling down) “Oh okay, but you never mentioned the ‘herbal treatment’ to me before”

Agent  “Sir I have mentioned it. Its there in the manual too”“

Manual???” I thought.

Me  “Oh okay Thank you” 

Click 

‘I will call you after 14 days you ()*@)@()*@)*@#” I thought.

Me (after regaining my cool and senses) : ‘But then how will the cockroaches know when its 14 days???? Anyways let’s wait for that day…………………..”

Update : read this post

After the incident of pest attack we thought of calling in the experts. The pests including cockroaches were almost invading my home. They were everywhere !!!

I called in a pest control agent to analyze the situation and to suggest plans to save us from the invasion. It took him hardly 10 minutes to walk around the house and paste a sticky substance (looked like ‘atta’ to me) all over. It’s neither visible nor smelly.

I hoped at least the cockroaches would find them. 

‘Wow that was quick’ I thought. 

“1600 Rs sir” said the agent. 

“WHAT?????”  (that’s me)

“Sir this is for one year contract. Our agents will come here every month” Mr Pest Agent.

“Oh okay”

‘I can’t believe I am paying him for sticking atta all over my house’ I thought. 

I paid him.

‘Hmmm’ (sigh)  (that’s me again) 

“Well at least we got rid of all the pests” (that’s me trying to relax)

‘I hope should be something like ‘landlord control’ ROFL’ (that’s me)   {Landlord treatment}

Two days later …………………………………….

 “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaam’ 

It’s from the kitchen….   

To be contd…..

“Yeah I have told the carpenter to fix it”   said my landlord. (One of our cupboards needs to be fixed).

“You need not worry about it” she adds with a smile. 

Me “And the lock?”

Landlord “Yes that too! You need not worry about it”

Me “And the forest behind our kitchen?  The plants out there are getting denser”

Landlord “Yeah I will ask my servant to clear it. You need not worry about it” 

The reason I write this blog is …. We have this conversation on the 5^th of every month. That’s when I pay THE RENT. She repeats this every month and nothing happens. 

I guess I should give her THE treatment.

6^th of Next month

Morning  Landlord “I was checking if anything is wrong”

Me “I am fine thank you. My wife is fine too.”

Landlord “I dint get the rent, I have to pay the loan” (I am just foreseeing this would be the next dialogue, coz this is what every landlord usually say. They won’t say something like ‘well give me the rent …I have a party today’)

Me “I will. You need not worry about it” 

Landlord “By today???”

Me “You need not worry about it”

Landlord “Okay bye then”

Me “You need not worry about it” 

Evening 

Landlord “Hi….”

Me “You need not worry about it” 

That should teach her !!!