The swipe Flu

I have been in this industry for 4 years now. I would be just another guy working in the Technolgy Services (out of  1 MM). But recently I realized I have the swipe Flu. Now what is Swipe flu?

To get more understanding of it, let’s look into a day of my life at work.

 I enter the building with the identity card worn around my neck, which dances around with each step I take. I swipe the card at the reader to open the door. I swipe the card at my department door. I swipe the card when I go out to the break out area(coffee machine area). I swipe the card at the door when I walk out of the building. I swipe the card when I go out to cafeteria.I realized that my hand automatically picks up the card and swipe it at the reader every time I see a door. I am doing this subconsciously. I do it when I am walking out of the door talking to my colleague, or when I am on the phone. I don’t even realize that I am doing it every time I open a door.

 Well I realized there is something wrong when I tried opening the lift door with my card. And when I tried opening the apartment door with my card.

 I almost lost it when I tired to open my car door with my i-card.

 I talked to a colleague of mine and he said these are symptoms of something called the swipe flu.

I wish if we would have just used a register at the reception. 

Do you have these symptoms?

Training On Egg

“You have to protect the egg from breaking” explained our trainer.

“You will have to throw it on our target kept at approximately 6 feet away” She continued “and it should not break”

 

“WHAT THE?? “ I thought. Even before my thought process could finish the world favorite line, she continued “You will be given 4 sheets of paper, one thread, cello tape, and three balloons. Protect the eggs!!” She declared.

 

I was lost, I felt like our team was lost in wilderness. I could hear the wolves. I need to protect the team…. ‘ACT FAST’ my mind rolled.

 

“Okay let’s use the balloons to protect the egg from the impact” I said.

There was counter opinions, changes in plan and even a 5 minute discussion on how to inflate the balloon. Finally we managed to inflate the balloons in no particular plan or shape. But fate had other plans.

 

The oversized elderly gentleman in our team accidentally sat on one of the balloons.

“One down” I declared. “Let’s not lose hope here” I assured the team.

 

The other balloon was declared lost when our extremely lovely lady in our team poked it with her extra long pointed-polished NAILS.

Her continuous sorry(s) was not helping our team. We had to go on.

 

The third balloon was down in action; at least we have a martyr who died for a cause.

 

Before anyone starts complaining on what the hell is happening, let me explain. I am in training “Managing people” and this activity was part of it. We had to protect an egg with the help of few items that the trainer has provided. We had to throw the egg, hitting the target kept 6 feet away. The winner would be the team whose egg did not break.

 

My last encounter with an egg was two days back when an egg slipped off my hand while I was taking it out from the refrigerator. It fell on the tiled floor and broke.

The worst part of it was cleaning. I realized that the contents of the egg cannot be absorbed by cloth nor can it be swept away using a broom. Its sticky and slimy and its worse when it’s on the floor.

Getting it out of the floor was indeed a task; I tried the above two and miserably failed. So I decided to dilute it. Dilution will help soften hard solutions, I have learnt and tried applying it. I was left with a messy floor.

 

I had to cover the entire thing up before my wife find out. The last resort was to use a spoon to recover the contents on to a vessel and hide the rest under the refrigerator.

I did just that.

 

Now back to the story, we were left with nothing but 4 sheets of paper, one thread and a cello tape.

“Hooooray” that was from our rival team. They completed the task of wrapping the egg in a protective cover. Now they can continue with the ‘throwing’ part.

We had 5 minutes left. We quickly made soft paper balls out of the sheets provided, kept these at strategic locations around the egg and used the thread to bind them. Finally we wrapped the tape around the egg-paper combination to strengthen the protected area.

 

“We are done!” I declared.

Now for some action, I thought. The trainer, sensing danger, quickly requested a person to lay paper all around the target (a white board). She did not want the fresh carpet to be stained with fresh egg contents.

 

I aimed at the target carefully calculating the trajectory and the angle at which I should be throwing the egg.

I used as little force I could to project the egg to the target.

It was a direct hit.

The trainer gasped.

The rest of the crowd gasped.

 

I closed my eyes.

 

“Hoorrrraaaay”

Was it the other team celebrating our misery? Or worse should I clean the floor myself?

I thought.

 

“It did not break!!!.. Clean shot !.” Said an overly excited trainer. She continued.

 

“Now my friends, that’s a practical explanation for team management. The egg was your team and you put in all your efforts to protect it from everything. That’s what we learn from this activity.”

 

EGG? Team??? Will I be a bad manager? Chucking the team under the refrigerator? Or making bulls eyes of it? Only time will tell!  

 

 

PS : The trainer took the egg back. I had plans to replace it with the one I broke two days back.

 

 

 Happy Friendship day to all !.

 

 

 

Angel With An Energy Drink

“zzzzzz”

It was tiring boring day at work. I was sleepy, and was finding it difficult to keep my eyes open. My head did not hit the desk, thanks to my Dell Monitor. However coke was already flowing through the number keys. This did wake me up; I have a keyboard with canals of coke now. I checked if anyone is watching and slowly laid paper tissues on my keyboard. My keyboard looked just like an Indian Clothesline. Things just did not go bad, but got worse. My system was not responding. Oh yeah the coke is still left in between the keys. I disconnected the keyboard and tried to drain out the liquid. Now I have a sticky desk with coke and soaked tissues. Thankfully everyone is busy working.

 

I cleared the mess in five minutes and I badly needed a break.

The trip to cafeteria was great ! Thanks to the power cuts and diesel shortage in Bangalore, the lifts were not switched ON. The notice read “We are on a power saver mode, Please use the stairs”

 

The cafeteria was buzzing with people; I have not seen this many people working on our floors, where are they coming from? Do they work with me?

 

“Good evening sir, please try this non-alcoholic energy drink” said a sweet girl.

“wahht?”

“Energy drink sir, this will increase your alertness and make you more productive”

“waaah” I said, just what I wanted. I thanked god for sending this angel.

 

 “How much?” I asked?

“Its complimentary sir”

FREE !! Things were indeed getting better, not just that I got an ‘energy drink’ just in time, it was free and a beautiful girl to serve.

 

Gulp Gulp.

 

“I feel gooooood. “

 

Back at my desk, the system started working.

But its time to go home now.  ciao.

 

PS : The energy drink is indeed working, I managed to make a post out of it.

 

Overheard

Conversation b.w two IT ‘Professionals’ (Overheard) 

Professional 1 : ‘Hey heard that you got an offer from a new firm?’

Professional 2 : ‘Yeah I did, I joined the company too’

Professional 1 : ‘How’s the package?’

Professional 2 : ‘ Well its not just the package. There is growth, new challenges and new technologies’ 

Professional 1 : ‘Oh okay. How’s the package?’

Professional 2 : ‘There is onsite too’ 

Professional 1 : ‘Wow. How’s the package?’

Professional 2 : ‘Its not bad. There is bonus too’ 

Professional 1 : ‘You can ask more, with the experience you have’

Professional 2 : ‘Yeah but they have Coke, snacks and chocolate drink in the pantry’ 

Professional 1 : ‘That’s so cool, we just have a stupid coffee’

Professional 2 : ‘Yeah? That’s so dull buddy’

 Professional 1 : ‘But we can smoke in the pantry”

Professional 2 : ‘Oh, that’s something I wanted’ 

Professional 1 : ‘How’s the package like?????’ 

The Bug Control

 Click to enlarge !!!

Security Guards

My encounters with security guards. 

I don’t have anything against security guards, I respect them for their age and more importantly since most of them come for this job after a long time serving in the Indian army. Below are a few encounters I had with different security guards all around Kerala.  

At a Major Software company in Techno Park, Trivandrum

I wanted to see an old friend of mine at a major software company in Technopark [I am not mentioning the name of the company as this company has nothing to do with the entire incident]. I approached the reception when I heard lots of “ shoooo shooo” from different directions. Wondering from where its all coming from I turned back to see 4 security guards approaching me. I told them the reason I am there and I spelled out the name of my friend. The security at the chair asked me “Do you have her employee id”. Keeping in mind that the only employee id I know in this world is mine, I told him smiling “NO”.  “Then you cannot see her” was his prompt reply. The other security guards also echoed. 

“Can I talk to the reception” I asked politely.  

“No you cannot enter the facility” he replied.  I guess the whole idea of having a reception has been overruled with these words. If I can’t enter the facility why do they have a reception inside the facility? Or in other words, what is the reception for??  Well may be I am not good at explaining or understanding what receptions are for.  

Coming back to the story, I asked the security guard “I want to meet this person, how will I do that?”

 “I don’t know” he replied, this time firmly and a bit rude.

“Now can’t you just check the directory for that person’s extension number?” I enquired.

“No and you cannot see the person” he replied this time raising his voice.

This really pissed me off. I said

“Sir, I am working in a software company too and we do not treat people like this”.  

Believe me. He said “Well our company is different” .[ I think the CEO of this company should hear this] :)  

I said “Well I dint know you guys called your employees by their number. Give them some respect” and walked off.  

One of the securities however gave me the extension number and told me to make the call.  I met my friend later and got her phone number too. Oops but I forgot to get her employee number, maybe I should call her again to get that ! LOL.  

At my previous company  

It was one Friday morning, with plans to go home to Kottayam the same day, my brother(we both were in the same company) and I came to office with huge bags, with clothes that plead for a small ride in the washing machine. As the company has strict rules to deposit our bags at the security guards desk, we approached the chief security guard and showed him the bags.  He quickly opened the register book to issue the token. Then something struck him. He asked me.

“Where is your seat?” I said “Here” pointing to the adjacent glass door.

He turned to my brother “Yours?”

“Fourth floor” said my brother.

“You should surrender your bags only on the fourth floor security desk” said the security guard.

Taking into consideration the flooded elevators or the steep floors that he should take, carrying the bag to reach his office, he asked “Can I just keep the bag here?” and explained to him the difficulty in climbing the stairs with the bags.  

“Nope you cannot, only the employees in the ground floor are allowed to keep bags here”.  

“What is the big deal if we keep both the bags here? We both are off to the same place” I told him assertively.

“No you can’t” he repeated.  This pissed me off. No wonder my brother says I have something against all security guards, may be our relationship is like the ‘dog and the postman’ (okay I know what you guys are thinking now).  

I asked “Do you have a problem if both of these bags are mine?”

“Uhh no” he said wondering what I was up to.

“Okay then, these bags are mine” I declared. “Now you can keep it here right?” I asked sarcastically.  

You can guess what happened next. My brother climbed the stairs with one hand in his pocket and waved ‘bye’ to me.

At Cochin to meet my cousin  

This is one incident that I always think about and laugh. Once we went to visit our cousin at his office at Ernakulum. He called us up and explained the turns to take to reach the street where his office building was. We finally managed to reach the place, amidst traffic and chaos that the private busses created when they whizzed by.

We had to find the building by the name ‘Lucky Star’. Our cousin told us to enquire if we were lost.  Five minutes walk and we were.  We asked a bystander to help us out. He told us to walk further. We approached a huge building when we decided to get second opinion.  We approached the security guard at the building and asked “Do you have any idea where Lucky Star building is?”.  

“No” he said “I don’t think it’s in this street” he said confidently.  

We thanked him and started walking again. Something told me to turn back and look up. The board on top of the building which the security guard was ‘guarding’ read “Lucky Star”.  

My brother looked at me and said “No comments !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” .

Work Snippets 1.0

Colleague 1 “Hey let’s go down for a pizza”

Colleague 2 “Nah I don’t like it anyways”

Colleague 1 “It’s free yaar. The company is paying for it”

Colleague 2 “WHAT? Heyyy wait for me….”

And here we are crowded at the pantry waiting for the pizzas. The admin assistant who is coordinating ‘the event’ said

“I am gonna take 10 minutes of your time. We have to wait 10 mins before we start”  

Amid the ‘Ooo’s , ‘oh’ and ‘noooo’s I tried my luck to get near the pizza’s.

Colleague 1 “I guess we are waiting for our VP and manager”

Colleague 2 “What???? I thought we were waiting for ketchup” and rushed to slice out a piece!

Welcome to Bangalore!

Welcome to Bangalore !

Day 1

The city is clean and solid. The cool breeze was ticking my hair and face. The greenery said I am not very far from my home town. I could hear the traffic which engulfed the silence. Welcome to Bangalore.

Day 2

I reached office, thanks to the superb driving from my cab driver. He could win the next off road motor driving competition. Well every cab driver in Bangalore can win that competition. I was called in for a meeting. Thirty minutes of the session was over when my colleague walked in saying “Oops am late, TRAFFIC !!!”. This is the first reference to ‘traffic’ since I reached Bangalore. This was however not my first ‘encounter’

Since I planned to come down to Bangalore to take up my new job, there were people crying all over about the traffic in Bangalore, the congestion, the pollution and so on. I wanted to be in a city with over flowing population and high rise buildings. This was a city not with just all these negative aspects, but was overflowing with opportunities, standard of living and money.

Day 3

I stayed at the company guest house, 2kms away from office. It takes hardly 5 minutes to reach under standard riding conditions in Kerala. I reached in 15mins, well not bad according to the riding conditions here or ‘Bangalore standards’ as they call it.

It was 9PM and time for me to rush home. My wife is sitting at the guest house bored all day and I couldn’t wait to get home. I went out of the building to find that it was raining heavily. I waited for sometime for the rain to get over. After half hour, the intensity reduced and I decided to make a move. I mite get drenched but it’s hardly 2Kms, I thought.

I took my bike to the main road, where I was caught up in traffic. Well there is a signal ahead of me; the traffic will start moving soon. Ten minutes and nothing moved. This pissed me off and I took the bike on to the opposite lane (many of the riders were already there). Up ahead of me was a huge block. There was water everywhere. Cars scooters, buses were stranded in the water. Nothing moved, except the water.

I wanted to just find my way through it when some of the local people warned me in Kannada that the water is too deep. I took a 360 degree turn back to my office, and tried to circle the IIM that is close to our building. I guessed that it could reach the road opposite to my guesthouse and I could skip the main road and the traffic.

I didn’t think twice and took the move; I went through a series of roads all filled up with water and mud. I just trusted my sense of direction completely. Finally I could see the main road.

“what the )(@*(#*” I reached the same place where the water was logged. I tried to ask some people in my Hindi-English on how to reach the guesthouse by some other means. Well, no one could help me. The time is 10:30PM. I am all drenched, my shoes all wet.

I took a 360 again!

I parked my bike at the company parking lot, went to my seat locked my helmet in the pedestal and waited for the company cab at the entrance.
Finally I got into a company cab which luckily was going my way. And even more luckily I was the first one to be dropped off. “Lucky you” a fellow in the cab remarked. “By the time we reach home its gonna be 11:30PM”. He said.
He was wrong.

The cab moved to the main road, where we were caught up in traffic. We waited, waited, waited waited and waited and nothing moved for almost an hour. The only thing that helped me with my patience was the cab’s FM and ‘sudoku’ in my mobile.

12:45 and I reached the guesthouse.

Distance covered: 2KM
Average speed : 1KM/hour.
Experience : No comments.

This was an encounter indeed!
“Lucky you” remarked my friend again, as I got down and walked to my apartment. I turned back, the cab didn’t move …..

Welcome to Bangalore!

Hierarchy and Domination

Hierarchy is something that people enjoy and respect. I am not talking about the relational heirarchy where people respect their elders or siblings. This is about professional hierarchy! This sounds normal because in any professional environment you find the ‘power’ tree which is often seperated out with designations. You have a boss, he has a boss above him, who inturn is answerable to the one above and there goes the heirarchy.

The heirarchy seems to be the normal thing aroung. Not that I dont agree with the fact of being the lowest in the ‘power’ chain,but am not quite enjoyin it. Well then this is life and this is the way it starts. I will have to just accept it. What I can’t accept is the politics surrounding it and the ‘foul plays” around.

Being the lowest resource in the chain, I get to know most of the gossip in the team, the politics played around by the top levels, the latest updates etc. I dont think anyone else in the chain is this informed as the lowest in the chain.

We joke about the managers, make fun of them, send chain mails, curse the people above, its fun all in all. There is one strong bond.

But then, I’ve heard that this is just a professional relationship, not to be taken to heart !