THE CRAPBOOK

Have you lost things and then you were never able to find it? My brother has many things that are under missing tag. Once he lost the wireless router antennae. Yes you heard it right. We searched for it all over the place. In the closet, under the bed, 50 ms around the router itself. We were not able to find it. We declared it as “Lost” and moved on(moved closer to the wireless router to be in range).

Months later he was on his way to the U.S.A for an overseas assignment and like normal people took a flight to US . (Unlike HCL guy in the ad who takes helicopter rides for his on-site assignments).  He got down at London Heathrow Airport to catch the transit flight. While he checked in, the airport security did scans and searched his suitcases and then they found something. The security staff reached over and displayed it to my brother. It was the antennae.

And it took 4477 miles and an Englishman to find it. My brother thanked the staff for helping him find it. “Glad to help sir”  the security staff replied.

Once I went to the nearest studio to take some passport size photographs. I picked the prints from the store the very next day. And when I reached back home, I was not able to find it. It was not there in my pockets, nor in the car. I went back to the store to check with them to see if I misplaced it somewhere in the store.  Retraced my steps in the basement to see if I accidentally dropped it when I took the lift. After 2 hours I declared it ‘lost’. I went back to the store and ordered some more prints. “Tomorrow sir” He said.

Arrgh. I picked it up from the store the following day. After parking my car in the basement, I opened the passenger door and noticed a yellow cover in between the passenger seat and seat belt. It was the photographs.

I took the lift home with 25 smiling photographs of mine, passport size !

Travelling by bus is a great feeling, it gives me time to think and gives you a peaceful travel to work without having to pay attention to the crazy drivers and notorious traffic. This also reminds me of the days I used to go to School taking the bus. It was an hour long ride. I used to spend that time observing things around me. That’s what I do all the time.

The conductor who always shout ‘ticket ticket’ and scribble the change on back of the ticket.  He seldom offer you the change, unless you pester him every other minute.

A daily wage worker with his tools including a spade, boards. He places the tools under the seats. Takes out his cellphone and checks something.

The young lad with earphone squeezed into his ear blasting ’94.3 Radio One’ on his cell phone. Everyone including the pedestrians on the road can hear the music.

The IT guy armed with his tool (read laptop) board the bus. The white earphones clearly says that he has an ipod. He nods his head at each beat.

The 60+ year old shows his id card to prove that he is a senior citizen. Quietly sits at an empty seat and pays the fare. He open the day’s edition of Times of India and starts reading.

Three college goers board the bus, laughter. Discussions in Kannada, english..laughter again.

A man in his late 20′s board the bus. He is wearing  a tie and neatly pressed clothes. Might be a salesman. Asks the conductor for a day pass.

“Change illa ” says conductor seeing the 100 Rs note that he extended. “iradu rupaiya kodey”. The salesman checks his shirt pocket for change.

The 40 year something old lady boards. She opens her purse, takes out a bunch of cash. She counts through the five hundreds, hundreds, fifties and finally hands a ten Rupee note to the conductor. “Majestic” She said.

She kept the rest of  the money ‘safe’ in her purse.

A shabbily dressed man walks in. He looks drunk. His breath angers the conductor. “At this time of the day?” The conductor might be thinking.

A young mother along with her kid board the bus, she scans the bus for a seat, finally found one at the centre. Made her talkative kid comfortable. Answered the kid’s curious questions every 5 mins.

A young female talking on her phone. She got down from the bus, crossed the street and boarded an auto. She talked on her cell all the way.

And then there is a silent guy sitting at the back, looking all around. That would be me.

I guess you would have seen one of these characters on any city bus.

A man neatly dressed, walks into the elevator. Once making sure that his floor has been chosen, he searches for something in his pocket, takes out a cell phone and starts fiddling with it.

A woman carrying her laptop walks into the elevator. She chooses her floor and then takes out her blackberry and starts reading old emails. (I admit I peeked)

A housekeeping guy walks in, takes out his cell phone and start fiddling with it.

I am not sure how many of you might have noticed this, but this is called the elevator syndrome. We all suffer from this. Even when we know that there are no new messages, calls or emails(thats why cell phones have vibrator/ring alerts, if you did not hear it means ‘there are no new messages’), we tend to check it again and again.

Not when you waiting for the lift, but soon after you enter one, you have this sudden urge to know if any new messages have come. If not check the old ones and re-read the emails.

If its not a blackberry then people go ahead and check the call register, inbox for those ghostly messages which is not there.

Do you suffer from this?

No, Not in my code. My research for the this unknown insect has been going for sometime now. Its everywhere, (when I say everywhere trust me its all over). This is also known locally as ‘Mupli’. I am not sure why its called that way. May be because its the newest member of everyone’s family at Kottayam.

The endless rubber estates. The tapper (person who taps the rubber for latex), gets around our place at 4 in the morning. He takes his knifes and other materials and walk to our estate to begin his work. He taps every rubber tree and collect latex and come back around by 10. The rubber sheets are made out of the latex by mixing it with diluted acid. This is then sold after drying it out in the sun or in a ‘smoke room’.

This post is not about how rubber is made out of the rubber trees. Thats normal, usual thing that happen around. You might have even seen it, if you have been to Kottayam District in Kerala.

What I want to talk about is the new member in the family. Or should I call it members?

Its the newest bug in town. When I say new, its just a few years old. Noone (not even the government controlled Rubber board) have clear idea on how this bug came into town. There are zillions of them, everywhere. Once the dusk is near and people turn on the lights, they come over. They invade the entire house.

People tried different things to get rid of it.

1. Tried starting a fire, people guessed that all the bugs will get attracted to the light and eventually perish in the fire. But instead the fires were killed by the number of bugs.

2. Poisoning the entire house. This did not help either, because this did more damage to the people than the bugs. Their population was the key to their survival.

Food Chain

The bugs are at the top of the food chain, with no natural predator they multiply in millions. They feed on the dead rubber leaves(thank god as the rubber industry would have gone for a toss if they started eating the fresh ones). Rubber itself is not a natural tree in Kerala, it was bought to India by the British, where they saw a huge potential for rubber cultivation because of favorable climate.

Noone in my previous generation has see this bug. It’s either a mutated bug or took a boat from some other country.

Here is a photograph to give you an idea on the numbers and a closeup.

The bugs don’t harm humans, unless we squash it on our body. Then it excretes a fluid which is second cousin of some acid that will burn our body. This is very rare, the bug is not dangerous.

But the number of them in a house will mean, bug in your food, shirt, trousers and even undergarments. It will walk all over your body and give you little time to sleep as you will spent the entire time picking them from your body.

Now that’s one irritating member in every family.

I tried everything (not) to go to the gym. For me, the gym was where people get tortured.

“Get me a Nike shorts and I will go jogging” I said.

“Whats wrong with the shorts you have now” Wife

“I need branded ones” Me.

“No one would be watching early morning, there would be hardly anyone around” Wife.

“Early Morning? I should get up early morning?” Me

And it went on. Finally I found a new nike shorts resting on the couch.  ”For you” the note read.

With no excuses left I got up early the next day after snoozing the alarm dozen times (5 min interval) for running. It was 7AM in the morning. The air was fresh, the sky was waking up, and there was an empty road. I ran for 200 meters and was tired already. I walked another 200 meters and realized that if I go on, I goto to walk back all the way home. I jogged back home and took rest for an hour. 

“Not bad” I thought. Exercising  is cool. 

Next day. After snoozing the alarm a dozen times I got myself up for the ‘run’. The air was fresh and I was not alone. After 50 ms there were 4 dogs with me. Then there were 10. And the faster I ran, the faster they were following.

There was no way out, other than to run as fast as I could and reach home.

I escaped unhurt. I guess, they were just interested in this new fellow in their block with blue shorts and a green ipod clipped oh his t-shirt. They were having some fun.

And that was the end of the routine run (you can call it a routine after consistently doing the same thing more than once).

The wife did not allow me to sleep through the snooze sessions after a week. ‘Go to the apartment gym’ she said.

“You dont have to worry about the dogs, or your shorts”

“Why dont you go?” I challenged her.

And she did.

I got my ‘ego’ right and paid a visit to the gym, stood on the thread mill for the first time in my life. The machine roared and moved. I walked. I ran.

It a routine for me now. I learned that you can think of your work and you would run faster. You think of your manager and you would run even faster. Great way to lose stress.

I go to the gym now. Its a miracle !

I am back. Got an airtel connection. Hathway was cheaper for my kind of usage, but seems like they don’t service my new place.

The old (land)lady.

She deducted a month’s rent as painting charges. For that money she could paint it thrice. Once the cheque was handed over and I got into my car, She said “I am getting a new scooter”.  

‘Its my money’ I thought.

The Newspaper Boy.

My landlord was so happy that I moved, she informed the newspaper boy, just incase I have defaulted any amount.

In three hours I got a call.

Newspaper boy “Sir, heard that you have moved”

Me : “yes”

NB: “Sir you did not give this month’s fee”

Me :”Oh yeah? I thought we were paying fee in advance”

NB :”No sir”

Me :” I have bills”

NB :”I will come to collect this month’s fee sir”

Me:”Okay, I will give you the fee for 105Rs, you give me the advance 120Rs back, so when are you coming???”

click !

I will be now regular with new crap. I got a huge unread blog list in my reader. whew!

From the News Today.

Jet airways fired 800 people. Now that news is pretty sad, but the statement from Mr Raj Thackeray is well…. Decide for yourself. “MNS would not allow any Jet plane to fly over Maharashtra”. I wonder how he is planning to do that. Well its not that simple to block all the air routes. Throwing stones wouldn’t help either. May be a Trebuchet would be handy.

I noticed the poll button on WP editor, so I thought of testing it. Do take part in this poll. (Crap – Rank 1, Notbad Rank 2 and “I regret….” as Rank 3). So if you would vote crap, I would consider this blog a success.

I applied for another credit card. This is because they were offering me 5k worth vouchers and I was like

‘wow, I could use it and then cut the credit card into four and send it back’

And then came the calls. 

“Sir calling from XX bank for verfication your name, your address, your phone number”

I answered all the questions.

“How long have you been staying at the rented house?”

“one year”

“Sir, please say 2 years”

“what?”

“Sir they wouldn’t agree if you haven’t stayed at the house for at least 2 years”

“But I have been in Bangalore for only one year”

“That doesnt matter sir, just say 2 years”

“oh? Aint you from the same bank?”

“Yes sir, but please say 2. So how long have you been staying at the rented house”

“Err ……. “

“Please say TWO sir. Thanks for verifying your details sir. You would be receiving another verification call soon. Please say 2”

click

Then I got a call yesterday when I was at work.

Lady “Which company are you working sir” “Whats your designation?” “Whats your employee id” “Whats your office number and extn”

I answered each and gave her my direct number.

Five minutes later I got a call to my work phone.

Same lady “Is this YY company”

Me “Yes”

Lady “Does xy work there?”

Me “Yes”

Lady “ What is his designation, how long has he been working there?”

I answered.

Lady “Who are you?”

Me “Who are you?”

Lady “Thank you for your time”

click

So the lady got the details from me, called me for verification and then reverified it again by calling me !!!!

Although the details I have provided is accurate, I wonder if the verification done by banks is of such kind no wonder the fraudsters have an easy time with them.

So much for verification these days.

When you go through a bad phase in life, you feel miserable. You see everything going wrong. You see that nothing is moving.

Thanks for all the concern and comments.

That’s when I took my Dad’s help on to get some confidence in life. He left me with some thoughtful quotes. This would be one conversation I would never forget.

Quote 1 : I am hurt but I am not slain. I’ll lay me down and bleed a while and then I rise and fight again.

Quote 2 : Happiness shared is happiness doubled. Sadness shared is sadness halved.

Quote 3 :”At least there is hope for a tree. If it is cut down, it will sprout again, and its new shoots will not fail.” Job 14:7

So there you go, with some quotes to think about. I am still going through the phase. But then its time to say “what the heck” and keep the humor running after all humans are programmed to move on !!

I am back guys !!!

PS : I would reply to comments soon and I got some tags to complete as well.

First they take a huge deposit in multiples of 10. If you pay 10k rent you shell out 100k of your hard earned money as security deposit. Which as the name suggest is in

 DE(e)POS(h)IT ~ DEeP ShIT

Let’s leave that there. Although you don’t get any interest, it’s reasonable from the owner’s side to keep some amount in case the tenant is trouble some like this one.

(Just when you guys thought the Landlord saga is over)

But for families like mine, where it’s just the two of us, we have taken care of the house just like ours. But that doesn’t seem to pay off as I am doing the paying.

To make things clear, I am moving out of my house to an apartment. The current landlord has told me that she will deduct 9k for painting + cleaning charges which will come around 500Rs.

Now that sounds very very unreasonable as the painting wouldn’t take more than 6k. Also the place doesn’t require any painting as well. 

So her crooked mind has this plan. 

1. Make some easy money. Deduct as much as possible from the existing tenant when they move out.
2. Don’t paint the house.
3. Rent it out to an unsuspecting family.
4. Go to point 1.

Asking around, I learned that this is the trend in Bangalore. Almost all my colleagues who have moved out once earlier have lost out at least 5-10k to the landlord. They list out damages which have not happened during their tenure.

How greedy can people get? Doesn’t the landlord know that this is hard earned money that we are talking about? As far as my income goes, it is not growing on a tree.

But for her it’s the tree (us tenants) that the money grows on.

Let take this example. You rent a car and you drive for 100kms. The car company will charge you rent for the day and check if you have made any damages. If not they would not charge you any extra money on it.

Now the car would have undergone wear and tear, like the life of the tyre would be now less (total life in Kilometers minus 100kms).

(The wear and tear) + %car’s price + profit = Rent.

Imagine if they say “Well, you drove for 100kms so you have to repaint it” or “Replace the tyres.”

That sounds unreasonable right?

Let’s leave everything, even if the LL wants to repaint it, why doesn’t she ask for a reasonable amount? The actual painting cost?

My landlady,

Is greedy.

She is an old lady,

 But still greedy.

Just when I thought that the robbers and terrorists are criminals, I have one staying on the 1^st floor.

Some of my friends in google talk does not respond. When I say friends, its because google says so. We can’t add as non-friends or not-even-near-friends etc right? So lets just call them friends. They are colleagues from my previous company, current company, some are from college, or friends back from school. Oh and some are relatives as well, and some, well I don’t remember them.

Coming back to the post, some does not respond, may be they dont like me. Well I don’t respond to some as well, that’s mainly because I don’t remember who they are. and yet another reason is I get confused with the similar names and weird orkut names some use like (Manchester United won or India Wins Gold). To make things worse they have weirdest of email ids, like mine.

So here is one conversation with Friend A.

Me: heeyyy

Sent at 2:05 PM on Sunday

Me: hey? Are u there?

Sent at 2:35 PM on Sunday

And then there is no response.

Then come another friend B online.

Me: Hey man how are you?

Sent at 11:15 PM on Thursday

Me: Are you there?

Sent at 11:24 PM on Thursday

No response.

And then I see friend A online, I did not bother to renew my friendship again. So I carry on with blogging and chats with my REAL friends.

Then I get the following message via google talk.

Friend A : Hey heard you bought a car.

Me : Yes.

Friend A : congrats.

Me : Thanks, but the bank still owns it.

Friend A : hehe, hows your wife?

Me : Good. How are you?

Friend A : Good. Hey am going onsite this week. I am so lucky. I am so happy.

And then he continues to explain how many states, Unites States of America has and their population and how good his manager is and blah blah.

When this happened, I was wondering whether people wanted everyone to know their happiness or achievements? May be I am right, because I wrote a post when I bought a car.

But it did not end there.

Few days back I got another message from Friend B.

Friend B : hey man.

Me : heyy how are u?

Friend B : how is work?

Me : Not bad. Yours?

Friend B : Well I am going onsite.

Ha !

Now I get the logic. What say guys?

I think people want to share their happiness more than anything else. When there is nothing interesting happening in their life they tend to shy away from the rest of the world, when things are good they want everyone to know.

I don’t know about me, I tend to blog when things are good. When things are ugly, I blog. May be I blog too much. To Google ‘Friend’ A and B, happy journey!